choices

I'd be lying if I said this wasn't breaking my heart.

Joel was supposed to buy a car from my dad. He failed to make the final payment, and my dad told him the deal was off, and he would be returning the money Joel had already paid him. Joel proceeded to ask my dad to "western union" the money to him at a Food Lion, so he could get it as soon as possible. My dad said he was not doing that, and asked Joel if he had an address that he could send the check to. Joel stated he had no address, and when my dad asked if he had a friend's address he could send it to, Joel said, "no one I can trust."

I am trying to get my head around this situation and the choices he is making. He had people he could trust. He lived with them. We provided him with everything he needed to be a successful person, and he threw it all away.

When I told Brandan I was having a hard time understanding Joel's choices, he responded with the following:

I think the only thing you need to understand is that Joel has actively done this to himself. At this point, the only thing we can do that actually helps him is to be the one entity in his life that he can depend on. By that, I mean he can depend on us to expect something from him, challenge him, hold him accountable, always tell the truth, and never take advantage of him. If we do anything else, we might ease his short term struggle, but we're not helping him. Instead we're helping ourselves to feel better. I think that's selfish. Joel will continue to make bad life choices, shirk responsibility, blame others and take advantage of people, including us, as long as he's allowed to. That is his perogative. It's painful to watch, but its how he wants to live. We can't compel him to do otherwise, no matter how hard we try, or how much we give or let him take. However, we can accept the truth, refuse to continue enabling him, and respect his person sovereignty.

Which is so very, very well said....but so hard to do.

Having a sad day today.